


i wonder when i love me is enough

by blackpercy



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Gen, and she acts as drew's big sis and stuff bc drew still needs her, basically silena lives after tlo AU, drew redemption arc all my homies love a drew redemption arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27009157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackpercy/pseuds/blackpercy
Summary: (read the tags)
Relationships: Silena Beauregard & Drew Tanaka
Kudos: 12





	i wonder when i love me is enough

_ Cause I’m a black belt when I’m beating up on myself, but I’m an expert at giving love to somebody else _

* * *

Silena spends a lot more time by herself now.

Yes, she survived the war, but now she had to live with the consequences of being the camp traitor.

She deserves it. All the lives that had been taken because of her foolish actions, all the trauma the campers had to live with now...

Silena thought…

No, she didn’t. That’s the problem, she didn’t  _ think _ .

She spends so much time following her heart that she forgoes her brain in the decision-making process. If she had been logical, like Malcolm would have been, as _Charlie_ would have, she would have never betrayed the camp.

Because of her, Luke almost won. He almost destroyed the camp and he would have either killed them all or let them live to suffer. She had given up camp secrets to somebody she  _ knew  _ would hurt them, and now...

Now, because of her, Charlie is dead.

Charlie. Her Charlie. Wonderful, sharp, attentive Charlie Beckendorf. Silena doesn’t know if she could ever love someone the way she loved him. She doesn’t think she should ever deserve to. 

Charlie’s face flashes in her mind as the breeze gently frames her face. His pearly smile, cheerful baritone, the way his eyes would crinkle in amusement and frame the dark-brown pools of his irises.

She misses him a lot.

The strawberry fields were Silena’s way of escape. Even though the Demeter kids spent most of their time there, they always kept their distance. Silena knows she deserves it, but it still stings. She helped Katie ask Travis out a year ago and now…

She shakes her jet-black hair out, exhaling and squaring her shoulders. Silena looks around the fields. Light green leaves dotted with bright red strawberries. It was hot enough that Silena was wearing a yellow sundress on the grassy ground. 

Sitting in these fields didn’t feel so right anymore, not without Charlie.

* * *

Drew doesn’t play around as the head-counselor of the Aphrodite Cabin.

She organizes the cabin into getting ready at twice the speed they used to. The Aphrodite Cabin is always the first one at the dining hall, the first ones for  _ any  _ activity, ready and at attention.

Drew is tough, she doesn’t play around and she doesn’t dawdle. She makes Cabin Ten take combat lessons seriously, she teaches them how to weaponize their charm speak in battle, she encourages them to use their differences in their fighting styles.

Drew is doing great, Silena still doesn’t understand why she needs her.

Silena watches from the sidelines as Drew instructs younger campers. She smiles as Drew corrects a little girl’s form and demonstrates a strike.

The night before, Drew had confided in Silena about this very session. She had shown Silena a part of her that nobody else saw and told her older sister about her fear that she would mess up, that she wouldn’t be able to help the new campers. 

Silena had told her to breathe. She had explained to her that the only way that Drew would be able to help the other campers is if she was confident in her own abilities first. 

“Of course I’m confident in my abilities,” Drew had scoffed, rolling her eyes like it was an obvious fact. “I just don’t want to screw them up, you know? I’m not...I’m not as kind as you are, and I’m not as  _ good _ as you, Si. And they’re kids.”

Silena had raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at Drew’s confession. She didn’t think anybody in this camp respected her anymore. Heck, she didn’t even respect herself anymore.

It had been a bit ironic that Silena was telling Drew to be confident in herself when she herself had lost all ability to do just that.

Silena had put a hand on her sister’s shoulder. “Breathe, Drew.” Then she pulled the younger girl into a hug, one that Drew slowly returned.

Drew still trusted Silena, she still needed her big sister to help her through a difficult transition period. Silena would not let her down, too.


End file.
